Late Night Revelations

It is amazing to think how much my life has changed since I last wrote!  In the past few months many things have happened, so I will just make a list...

• My brother received the Melchizedek Priesthood
• My brother received his Patriarchal blessing
• My Mom was sealed for Time and all Eternity to her Eternal Companion :)
• I finished my Bachelor's degree (YAY!)
• I have begun earnest mission prep

Pondering is something I had never really thought necessary before...

Tonight my post is about the importance of pondering.  In life, it is all too easy to feel that we have too much to do to read scriptures, to pray, to do all the things that it is necessary for us to do.  Especially so to spend time sitting quietly and pondering the lessons we have learned, the scriptures we have read, and the hymns or talks we have heard.  But as I have studied the scriptures and talks by the leaders of the church, I have realized that there is only so much you can learn in one study session.  In order to truly learn everything we must learn, we have to dedicate quiet time in order to allow our thoughts to be led by the spirit.  I have often succumbed to the guilty feeling that I was 'wasting time' by doing this, especially when the list of things to do is seemingly so long.  

On another subject, I have also struggled with putting the Lord first in my life.  Sure I read my scriptures, and I pray, and try to do all the things I need to do each day.  But all too often these things are not done in the morning when I have the most energy, but are put off until I am both physically and emotionally exhausted and ready for sleep.  Then I tend to justify not doing certain things that day because I was so tired.  Justification is another purpose for me writing.  When I find myself attempting to justify something that I know, or perhaps even just feel, that I shouldn't do or partake of, I find it helpful to ask myself this question:

"If I had to choose between this or going to the Celestial Kingdom, which would I choose?"

Almost always the answer is 'Of course I would choose the Celestial Kingdom!'  Then almost immediately comes the thought, 'But of course it would never come down to that, it's not that simple.'  But it really IS that simple.   If I had to choose between reading my scriptures every morning for 20 minutes and going to the Celestial Kingdom, you best bet every last dime you had that I would be setting every alarm I have to make sure I was up to read my scriptures!  So why is it so hard to do that?  Why is it so hard to string together more than a couple days of doing things right?  I know what I need to do, and it really IS that simple, so why is it so complicated and difficult to do it?  For those questions I don't have a ready answer.  I'll have to ponder it some more.  Until then, here is my closing thought:

Never forget who you are.  Satan will try to make you forget your Divine potential, he'll try to make you forget the mission you have been called to in this life, and he'll try to make you forget the power that God has given you.  DO NOT LET HIM.  Tell him to take a long walk off of a short pier.  You are amazing, You are worth more than anything he could offer, Your mission is too important to leave unfinished.  The Lord loves you and I love you.  Until next time,

Sister Amanda Baum

Mormon.org Profile Update!

Just wanted to share the link to my Mormon.org profile! :)


http://mormon.org/me/4NMD/

More to come later! :)


Sister Amanda Baum

Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel

So these past few weeks I've been doing a lot of thinking (dangerous, I know...), and instead of answering questions that I have had...it's brought about more questions.  It's strange how we don't realize we're in a funk until something comes to beat us over the head with a foghorn!  Not sure why it takes that for me to wake up and get back to where I know I need to be.  I am so thankful for everyone around me who are such examples to me...who seem to be so much stronger than I am.  It's frustrating to see that there is still such a glaring chasm between where I am and where I want to be...Most of the time I have no idea how I'm going to cross it.  Other times it seems so simple...but if it is so simple, why can't I just DO IT?  GAH!  Ok...enough of the pity party :P.

Yesterday there were some wonderful talks in church that really spoke to me...I'm glad I remembered to bring my little notebook to take notes.  One of the talks was about the hymn 'Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel'...and this is a hymn that I had mixed feelings about before.  But the speaker said something that kind of hit me like a ton of bricks...something I had never thought about before.

The Lord does not need us to move the wheel or to build anything for Him.  Heavenly Father cares more for the shoulder than the wheel.  The whole point of the wheel is to help fashion the shoulder into what it was meant to be.

How humbling is it to know that the wheel is only really meant to help us reach our Divine potential?  It truly amazes me that Heavenly Father loves us so much that he gives us these little road markers along the way to help us get to where we need to go. 

Hopefully I'll be able to post again soon with some more inspirational stuff :)  Until then, remember that we are all here to learn to be the best version of ourselves that we can be, not to learn how to be someone else.

Sister Amanda Baum



Amazing Witnesses of Christ

So for the past two days there has been quite the debate on facebook that I have found myself embroiled into...About the legitimacy of the Book of Mormon.  It started when a friend of mine from high school posted a link to a video about Bill Maher talking about how people have 'finally' pulled the 'Mormon card' on Mitt Romney.  Only for almost the entire video, he's not talking about that; he was bashing the LDS Church.  I felt like I needed to stand up for what I believe in...and then came the ongoing debate.

However, today I really felt an amazing witness about the Book of Mormon and how the Holy Ghost will give us the words we need to say when we need them.  I won't go into detail about what was said, but I really felt like a missionary talking to a difficult 'investigator'.  Then I remembered a scripture and looked it up...

Really the whole section spoke to me in a really powerful way (it's Doctrine and Covenants section 11) but here is the kick in the gut, awesome reference:

21 Seek not to declare‍ my word, but first seek to obtain‍ my word, and then shall your tongue be loosed; then, if you desire, you shall have my Spirit‍ and my word, yea, the power of God unto the convincing‍ of men.

So amazing! :D Something else that I have noticed...is that in the past week or so I have really tried to study my scriptures and the Preach My Gospel manual every day.  What really astounds me...is the knowledge you gain when you have faith.  You can see things that those without faith can't...It's not about 'proof', it's about faith.  It reminds me of another scripture...This time from 1 Corinthians 2:9-10, 14:

9 But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.

10 But God hath revealed them unto us by his Spirit: for the Spirit searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God.

14 But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.

It really does make me sad...it hurts to think that there are those out there who don't have the faith to understand.  They nitpick at the little details of things to try and say it isn't true...when it is so simple...all you have to do it pray about it to know if it's true, and BAM!  You get your answer; no more wondering, no more angry, heated debate.  It's as plain as the nose on your face.  But just like so many of the ancient Israelites and the brass snake, it's much too simple to work.  How many could be saved if they merely looked up?  How many in our day could be saved if they merely prayed to know? 

While it is emotionally exhausting trying to 'defend' my beliefs against those who obviously have already made up their mind to the contrary, I know that it is just a taste of what it will be like on my mission. It reminds me of part of my partiarchal blessing that says "God has answered many of your prayers.  If you ponder them, you will recognize what they are, and they will help to reaffirm your testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  Do not let anyone hinder, or hurt, or destroy that testimony." While it hurt a little to see people trying to rip apart a book I have come to love with all my heart, it did nothing but strengthen my testimony that it is true.  Nothing that any supposed 'expert' could say would make me believe otherwise.  I also know that while my mission going to be one of the hardest things I will ever do, and I will have to sacrifice a lot to get there, I know that even if I only help one person find their way out of the darkness, it will be worth every effort made to do so. 

A good friend of mine sent me this picture...it is the mission goals of Elder Bruce R. McConkie...it really spoke to me, so I thought I would share:

I will post again soon with more awesome missionary moments, but for now, this will have to do. 

Always remember who you are:  A beloved Son or Daughter of Heavenly Father, and as such you were born with inheirant power over Satan and his minions.  Look Satan in the eye and say with power, like Sarah in the movie Labyrinth, "You have no power over me."

Origins and An Announcement

So for some reason I wanted to start writing this blog today, not sure why.  But here goes nothin' :).

The past two weeks or so has been a bit rough; lots of stress.  And it got me to thinking...how much of our trials comes from other people?  We could be doing exactly what we are supposed to be doing, and know that what we're doing is right, and them BLAM!  The trial troll comes along and our lives are turned upside down.  What made this time different was that...instead of immediately feeling angry...as was the norm up until now...I kind of felt sorry for them.  How horrible must it be to be so controlled by your bitterness and hate that Satan doesn't even give you a leash, he's just got you jacked up by the collar?  And then that made me think some more...

It really wasn't that long ago that that someone was me.  And then I remember just how horrible it was.  Always feeling like you are a blind man, clumsily groping around in the dark, praying (though having no idea where your prayers are going...), hoping there are no more pits to fall into.  Feeling as though you are always being watched, and then wondering if you a slowly slipping into insanity because you feel eyes watching you everywhere.  Waking up in the middle of the night gasping for air because you could have sworn there were hands around your neck, and just barely seeing a dark shadow out of the corner of your eye before you blink and it's gone.  Nothing making you feel happy or even worthwhile anymore, constantly feeling as though you are a pallet of bricks and someone keeps piling on 'just one more' until you feel as though you are walking dead-weight.  That was my life.  I dreaded night time, every single day was one long prayer that night would never come, but it always did.  The long, dark night that seemed longer every time.  I felt as though I was slowly becoming a puppet, and someone else was holding the strings.  Like Amanda the person was slowly being backed into a corner farther and farther into myself until it would be locked in a cage, never to be let back out.  And yet, no one knew.  How could I put into words the depth of my sorrow?  How could I put another through my pain? 

And then they came.  Those two wonderful angels came knocking on my door.  They had no idea what I was going through, no clue that they were literally my saviors from that long, dark night.  They brought me hope when it seemed all was lost.  It took time before I would even listen to what they had to say.  And when I did, it wasn't their words that stunned my protests.  It was the light they had, the feeling of peace that they brought with them.  For the first time in a long time I felt like there might be a way out of the darkness.  Of course, not everyone was as happy as I was to leave the darkness behind.  My boyfriend of a year and a half basically told me "If you go Mormon, I'm walking".  To make a long story short, I eventually made the decision to choose God over him.  One of the most powerful scriptures I have ever read is in Alma chapter 36:17-21:

17 And it came to pass that as I was thus racked with torment, while I was harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, behold, I remembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world.

18 Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death.

19 And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more.

20 And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!

21 Yea, I say unto you, my son, that there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you, my son, that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy.

This really spoke to me because I had felt the same way.  I had felt that enormous weight on me and that horror at the thought of all my many sins...and the inexpressible joy in the knowledge that my sins, even in their multitude, were forgiven. 

Since that time nearly four years ago, I have grown tremendously as a person.  The person I used to be seems so distant and far away that I have a hard time figuring out why I did some of the things I did back then.  When I think of how horrible life used to be without the gospel, it makes me want to help others out of the darkness.  I want to share the joy that I have in my life with those who are desperately searching for it.

I will post again later about the awesome experiences that helped me make this decision, but for now, here is the awesome announcement that was the whole purpose behind this new post:

I have decided that I'm going on a mission! :)

Stay tuned for more updates!